I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
