This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hippo gnu deer
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
