i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
