During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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