8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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