I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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