i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
