currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
