Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
