areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
