Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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