I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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