why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize