Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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