Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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