Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
