I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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