Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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