We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
