There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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