I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
