you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
