your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
