dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
