I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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