apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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