Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
