Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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