ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
