Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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