Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
