Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
