you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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