...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize