What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
