if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
