Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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