walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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