Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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