i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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