i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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