chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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