i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
