I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
