She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
