don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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