Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
