Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
