dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
