theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize