dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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