Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
