My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
