yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
