I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
