Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want nice things and good sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
