yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ttyl tear gas
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
