I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
