well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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