No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize