Got a toothbrush?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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