Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
