Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.