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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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• (518): View more from New York

  It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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• (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

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• (310): View more from California

  I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

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• (714): View more from California

  The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

  (941): View more from Florida

  I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment

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• (+49): View more from Germany

  He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"

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