Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
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So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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