please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.