This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not