Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
