Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
