i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
