I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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