Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
so much tequila, so little girl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
