I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize