I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
zippers are such a cool invention
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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