The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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