Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
