i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
