i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
