he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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