ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
