Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
