I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
