Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize