He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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