okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
