you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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