hell yes lets make some ravioli
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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